The decision to divorce is not easy. One of the toughest parts is telling your spouse you want a divorce. The next question is often where to go from there. Here’s a guide to help you through the next steps on the road to divorce.
Choose Your Divorce Process
One of the first decisions you will need to make is selecting the process for your divorce. You have several options:
- Mediation: A neutral third party professional helps you and your spouse negotiate and reach agreements.
- Collaborative Divorce: Both you and your spouse have attorneys, and everyone agrees to work together to settle the divorce without going to court.
- Litigation: If amicable solutions aren’t possible, you may need a judge to make decisions for you.
Your choice will depend on your specific circumstances, including the dynamics of your relationship. If there is domestic violence or abuse, it is important to prioritize your and your children’s safety above all else.
Avoid Drastic Changes
In the early stages of your divorce, you should avoid making any sudden or dramatic changes. Don’t move out, change auto pays, cancel insurance, or take any other significant actions without careful consideration. Stability is key during this period. If one of you is planning to move out, have a clear discussion about financial responsibilities and how the bills will be managed.
Attend a Divorce Options® Workshop
Consider attending a Divorce Options® workshop. These workshops provide an overview of the different processes and the relevant laws in California. Both you and your spouse can attend together or separately. This will help you understand your options and make informed decisions.
Discussing Divorce with Your Children
One of the most delicate aspects of divorce is how to break the news to your children. It’s wise to seek the guidance of a mental health professional who understands child development. The timing and way you tell your children should be appropriate for their age and developmental stage. Professionals can help you craft a message that minimizes distress and confusion for your kids.
Finding the Right Attorney
Finding an attorney who suits your needs is also a next step. Look for someone who communicates effectively and has a style that works for you. Many attorneys, especially those who specialize in mediation, offer a short introductory meeting at no cost to explain the process. This can help you determine if they are a good fit. While most attorneys charge for consultations, investing in a few initial meetings can help you find someone who aligns with your goals.
Even if you anticipate going to court, consider hiring an attorney with experience in mediation or collaborative divorce. These attorneys can help you resolve issues amicably whenever possible. The Collaborative Divorce California website can be a useful resource for finding attorneys.
Stay Calm and Informed
Throughout this process, try to stay calm and avoid panic. Major decisions should be made thoughtfully and with adequate information. Each step you take should be deliberate and aimed at creating the best possible outcome for everyone involved.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced Collaborative Divorce attorney and Mediator. She can help you determine the goals for your divorce and post-divorce life. She can be reached at 650-297-0377.