Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Law Burlingame Family Law Attorney | Collaborative Divorce 2026-10-14T03:43:52Z https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/feed/atom/ WordPress /wp-content/uploads/sites/1404560/2024/11/cropped-CBM_FAV-32x32.png by Lisa Murray <![CDATA[What Happens If a Child Refuses to Go With Their Other Parent]]> https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=49464 2026-10-14T03:43:52Z 2026-10-14T03:41:08Z When a child resists spending time with a parent, and  when there aren’t safety concerns, the cause often involves subtle behaviors by  a “preferred parent” that influence the child’s emotions and perceptions. Protecting children from the emotional impact of divorce, encouraging meaningful relationships with both parents, and utilizing longer parenting time with the resisted parent can restore balance. Allegations of abuse shift the matter into legal intervention.

Understanding Why Children Refuse to go with a Parent

When children resist spending time with a parent, emotions and family dynamics are usually driving the behavior. Assuming there is no abuse or safety risk, children often pick up on the emotional cues of the parent with whom they spend most of their time. Sadness, anxiety, or negative expressions about the other parent can cause children to feel that it is their job to protect one parent from being sad or lonely when they are with the other . They internalize that distress and begin to distance themselves. Children want to make their own lives easier. If aligning with the more emotionally intense parent avoids conflict, they may refuse contact with the other parent simply to avoid guilt, tension, or emotional backlash.

The Importance of Protecting Children from Divorce Emotions

Divorce is inherently emotional. Grief, guilt, anger, and anxiety affect everyone. Parents must insulate their children from adult emotions, conversations, and conflicts. Proper support from extended family and friends also matters. Children thrive when they are free to love and communicate openly with both parents. Healthy co-parenting means fostering relationships, not fracturing them.

Interventions When a Child Refuses Contact

The first step is self-reflection. Parents must assess if their behavior is consciously or unconsciously influencing the child’s resistance. In situations where the preferred parent and child are aligned in refusing contact, stronger interventions may be needed. One strategy is for the child to spend more time with the resisted parent. Longer parenting periods help the child reconnect, rebuild comfort, and replace negative assumptions with real experiences. Relearning that the refused parent is loving and supportive can dissolve the false narrative the child has created. 

When Abuse Allegations Arise

If abuse or violence is alleged, Court intervention to keep the child safe is necessary.  The Court has the ability to order interventions which may include hearings, evaluations, supervised visitation.  These interventions come with significant financial cost. If those allegations are true, the process protects the child. If they are not, it will harm family resources and further damage parent-child relationships. Unfounded accusations have legal consequences and often backfire later, with children gravitating to the other parent once they are old enough to choose. Long-term resentment can be the result.

Collaborative Divorce as a Preventive Tool

Collaborative Divorce integrates mental health professionals who understand how to preserve stability and connection for children. The focus remains on safeguarding child wellbeing, supporting positive relationships with both parents, and reducing the risk of long-term emotional harm. Most parents genuinely want their children to emerge from divorce healthy and whole. The Collaborative Divorce process strengthens that outcome.

FAQs

What should a parent do first if a child refuses visitation?

Evaluate personal behavior and emotional signals to ensure that no unintentional influence is occurring.

What if refusal is based on real safety concerns?

Seek legal and professional intervention immediately. Supervised visitation and evaluations can protect the child.

Can longer visits with the resisted parent help?

Yes. Sustained time allows children to reconnect and challenge negative assumptions.

What are the risks of making unfounded allegations?

Loss of legal rights to joint custody, high financial costs, acrimonious legal proceedings, and potential long-term damage to parent-child relationships.

Can Collaborative Divorce help prevent custodial interference?

Yes. It emphasizes healthy communication, professional guidance, and protection of the child’s relationship with both parents. Lisa R. Murray is an experienced family law attorney in the Collaborative Divorce and Mediation processes.  She can help you determine your goals in a divorce.   Ms. Murray has been practicing family law since 1989 and is an owner of Chase, Berenstein and Murray Counselors at Law in Burlingame, CA.  She has been recognized by Super Lawyers, (https://superlawyers.com) an elite group of 5% of lawyers for the past 20 consecutive years.   She can be reached at [nap_phone id="LOCAL-CT-NUMBER-1"] or visit https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com]]> by Lisa Murray <![CDATA[What is the “Public Record” in a Divorce?]]> https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=49462 2026-10-12T07:00:48Z 2026-10-12T07:00:05Z In California, divorce filings and hearings are generally public, meaning anyone can access many of the documents and details in your case. Choosing Mediation or Collaborative Divorce can keep most personal financial and family information private, with only the basic required filings becoming part of the public record. California divorce cases are public proceedings. This includes both courtroom hearings and the case file maintained by the court. Any member of the public may attend hearings or visit the clerk’s office to request access to documents filed in a divorce case 

What Information is in the Public Record of a Divorce?

Any documents filed by either spouse or their attorneys become part of the public record. These typically will include:
  • Initial divorce petition, including date of marriage, date of separation, and the identity of any children
  • Forms that list children’s residential history
  • Income and expense declarations when financial matters are contested, which disclose employer information, earnings, monthly expenses, and pay stubs
  • Filings related to domestic violence restraining orders, including whether an order was granted
In addition, in many counties new divorce case filings are published in local newspapers or online legal notices, meaning family and community members may learn of a divorce simply by reading public announcements. 

Online Access to Case Information

Most California counties also provide online case search functions. The level of detail available varies:
  • Some counties require a case number to access information
  • Other counties allow name searches
  • Some counties also impose fees to view case filings
Typically, the public can view the docket or index, showing the timeline of filings and scheduled hearings without disclosing the full text of documents.

How to Limit the Information in the Public Record

There are certain privacy protections particularly for families with children. For example, some counties require using initials instead of full names for minors. Beyond those measures, privacy depends largely on the divorce process you choose. Mediation and Collaborative Divorce allow you and your spouse to negotiate privately outside the courthouse. As a result, only a minimum number of filings appear in the court record, often just the initial pleadings and the final judgment. The detailed marital settlement agreement which memorializes your agreements can remain confidential in many Northern California counties. Exceptions include the parenting time schedule and child support information which must be set out in the judgment. Where local rules require financial details or agreements to be filed publicly, you can ask for a court order to seal or restrict access to specific information. 

FAQs

Are all divorce cases public in California?

Yes, with rare exceptions for legally justified privacy concerns.

Can anyone view my financial disclosures?

Yes, if those documents are filed with the court in a litigated case.

Do Mediation and Collaborative Divorce keep everything private?

They can significantly reduce public content, although required filings still become part of the record.

Will my child’s personal information appear in the record?

Some information is required, although many counties use initials for minors to protect privacy. Lisa R. Murray is an experienced family law attorney in the Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Processes. She can help you determine your goals in separation or divorce. Ms. Murray has been practicing family law since 1989 and is an owner of Chase, Berenstein and Murray Counselors at Law in Burlingame, CA. She has been recognized by Super Lawyers, (https://superlawyers.com) an elite group of 5% of lawyers for the past 20 consecutive years.  She can be reached at [nap_phone id="LOCAL-CT-NUMBER-1"] or visit https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com]]> On Behalf of Lisa Murray <![CDATA[Letting Go After Divorce the Best Way to Go!]]> https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=49454 2026-10-06T07:38:24Z 2026-10-06T07:35:22Z Letting Go Is About Moving Forward After Your Divorce Divorce is one of life's most difficult experiences. Emotional pain, financial change, and uncertainty are all part of the process. Even when you both agree that divorce is the right decision, the process still brings sadness, fear, anxiety, and frustration. If your divorce went through the court system, those emotions can be even stronger. A judge, someone who does not know your family personally, makes decisions about where you live, how much time you spend with your children, and your financial future. Those decisions affect your daily life long after the divorce ends. Once the divorce is final, holding onto resentment keeps your attention focused on yesterday instead of tomorrow.

Resentment Holds You Back

Many people feel they were treated unfairly during their divorce. Some believe they were taken advantage of financially. Others struggle with changes they never expected, such as returning to work or adjusting to different financial circumstances. Those feelings are understandable. Yet carrying anger long after the divorce is finished does not change the outcome. Instead, it keeps you emotionally tied to one of the hardest chapters of your life. Letting go gives you the opportunity to focus on creating the life you want instead of reliving the life you lost.

Give Yourself Permission to Heal

Healing does not happen overnight. Processing your emotions is an important step in moving forward. Working with a mental health professional provides a healthy place to sort through fear, sadness, anger, and uncertainty. A therapist can also help you to reflect on what brought you to this point and what you want your future to look like. Instead of asking, "Why did this happen?" begin asking, "Where do I want to go from here?" That shift in thinking creates space for personal growth.

Support During the Divorce Process

In the Collaborative Divorce process, mental health professionals are members of the professional team. They can help you manage the stress of the divorce process, prepare you for difficult meetings, improve communication, and when you have children, assist with parenting and communication plans. They also help you manage emotional triggers that arise while discussing sensitive topics such as the family home or financial assets. The mental health professional 's role on your Collaborative team is different from that of a private therapist. During the process and after the divorce is complete, a private therapist helps you process the experience and build your next chapter.

Your Future Starts Today

You do not have to pretend the divorce did not hurt. You do not have to agree with every outcome. Letting go simply means refusing to let the past define your future. By releasing resentment, processing your emotions, and beginning to plan the life you want next, you give yourself the opportunity to grow beyond the divorce instead of remaining trapped by it. It is important to realize that letting go after divorce is about releasing resentment rather than forgetting what happened. With emotional support and a focus on your future, you create space for healing, growth, and a new beginning.

FAQs

  1. Does letting go mean I have to forget what happened? No. Letting go means releasing the resentment that keeps you emotionally tied to the divorce while learning from the experience.
  2. Should I see a therapist after my divorce? Many people benefit from working with a mental health professional who helps process the emotions of divorce and explore goals for the future.
  3. What is the role of mental health professionals in a Collaborative Divorce? They help manage emotions during the divorce process, improve communication, prepare clients for meetings, and assist with child parenting and communication plans. They do not serve as your personal therapist during or after the collaborative process
Lisa R. Murray is a family law attorney focusing on the Collaborative Law and Mediation Processes. She can help you determine your goals in a separation or divorce. Ms. Murray has been practicing family law since 1989 and is an owner of Chase, Berenstein and Murray Counselors at Law in Burlingame, CA. She is recognized by Super Lawyers, (https://www.superlawyers.com), an elite group of 5% of top lawyers, for 20 consecutive years. She can be reached at 650-642-3897 or visit https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com]]> On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Law <![CDATA[Why October is ideal for adjusting your California parenting plan]]> https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=49426 2026-10-01T15:21:52Z 2026-10-01T15:21:52Z Identifying emerging conflicts Your child’s after-school activities can quickly make mid-week schedules hard to manage, especially once sports, music lessons and clubs have set times. Changes to commuting and work-from-home options can also make earlier drop-offs unrealistic. In addition, October is often a practical time for resolving scheduling disputes before the holiday season begins.

The collaborative advantage

Collaborative law is a way for parents to work through family disagreements without going to court. In this process, both parents and their attorneys agree to stay out of the courtroom and instead try to solve problems by talking through each person’s concerns and needs. The focus is on finding practical solutions that work best for the child. Because the process is more flexible than a court case, it can also make room for creative fixes and small scheduling changes that a judge might not have time to address. In many cases, this approach can save both time and money, especially when compared with the long delays often seen in California family courts.

Benefits of avoiding litigation

By choosing a collaborative approach, parents can protect their privacy because family details stay out of public court records. It can also support a healthier coparenting relationship by helping them work through issues together in October before frustration grows into bigger legal fights. Most of all, children do best when they see their parents cooperating to adjust the parenting plan instead of arguing.

Helping you address schedule friction

A well-timed adjustment in October can help the school year go more smoothly. It can also support a better family dynamic moving forward. A lawyer can review your current plan and collaborate with you to make child-focused and sustainable adjustments.]]> by Lisa Murray <![CDATA[Letting Go After Divorce the Best Way to Go!]]> https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=49408 2026-10-06T07:40:47Z 2026-08-21T08:43:13Z  Holding onto resentment can keep you emotionally connected to the pain of the divorce and make it harder to move forward.   Processing emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and anxiety is an important part of healing.   Mental health professionals provide valuable support during the divorce process and after the divorce is over.   Focusing on where you want to go next instead of what happened in the past creates opportunities for personal growth.   Releasing resentment allows you to focus on your future and begin building the next chapter of your life.

Letting Go Is About Moving Forward After Your Divorce 

Divorce is one of life's most difficult experiences. Emotional pain, financial change, and uncertainty are all part of the process. Even when you both agree that divorce is the right decision, the process still brings sadness, fear, anxiety, and frustration. If your divorce went through the court system, those emotions can be even stronger. A judge, someone who does not know your family personally, makes decisions about where you live, how much time you spend with your children, and your financial future. Those decisions affect your daily life long after the divorce ends. Once the divorce is final, holding onto resentment keeps your attention focused on yesterday instead of tomorrow.

Resentment Holds You Back

Many people feel they were treated unfairly during their divorce. Some believe they were taken advantage of financially. Others struggle with changes they never expected, such as returning to work or adjusting to a very different financial situation. Those feelings are understandable. Yet carrying anger long after the divorce is finished does not change the outcome. Instead, it keeps you emotionally tied to one of the hardest chapters of your life. Letting go gives you the opportunity to focus on creating the life you want, instead of reliving the life you lost.

Give Yourself Permission to Heal

Healing does not happen overnight. Processing your emotions is an important step in moving forward. Working with a mental health professional provides a healthy place to sort through fear, sadness, anger, and uncertainty. A therapist can also help you to reflect on what brought you to this point and what you want your future to look like. Instead of asking, "Why did this happen?" begin asking, "Where do I want to go from here?" That shift in thinking creates space for personal growth.

Support During the Divorce Process

In the Collaborative Divorce process, mental health professionals are members of the professional team. They can help you manage the stress of the divorce process, prepare you for difficult meetings, improve communication, and assist with parenting and communication plans when you have children. They also help to manage emotional triggers that arise while discussing sensitive topics such as the family home or financial assets. The professional team's role is different from that of a private therapist. During the process and after the divorce is complete, a private therapist helps you process the experience and build your next chapter.

Your Future Starts Today

You do not have to pretend the divorce did not hurt. You do not have to agree with every outcome. Letting go simply means refusing to let the past define your future. Releasing resentment, processing your emotions, and beginning to plan the life you want next, you give yourself the opportunity to grow beyond the divorce instead of remaining trapped by it. It is important to realize that letting go after divorce is about releasing resentment rather than forgetting what happened. With emotional support and a focus on your future, you create space for healing, growth, and a new beginning.

FAQs

1. Does letting go mean I have to forget what happened?  No. Letting go means releasing the resentment that keeps you emotionally tied to the divorce while learning from the experience. 2. Should I see a therapist after my divorce? Many people benefit from working with a mental health professional who helps process the emotions of divorce and explore goals for the future. 3. What is the role of mental health professionals in a Collaborative Divorce? They help manage emotions during the divorce process, improve communication, prepare clients for meetings, and assist with parenting and communication plans. They do not serve as your personal therapist during or after the collaborative process Lisa R. Murray is a family law attorney focusing on the Collaborative Law and Mediation Processes.  She can help you determine your goals in a separation or divorce. Ms. Murray has been practicing family law since 1989 and is an owner of Chase, Berenstein and Murray Counselors at Law in Burlingame, CA.  She is recognized by Super Lawyers, (https://www.superlawyers.com), an elite group of 5% of top lawyers, for 15 consecutive years. She can be reached at [nap_phone id="LOCAL-CT-NUMBER-1"] or visit https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com  ]]> by Lisa Murray <![CDATA[What Financial Information Must Be Disclosed in a California Divorce?]]> https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=49419 2026-10-01T17:18:31Z 2026-08-16T13:34:50Z California law requires both spouses to exchange detailed financial information before a divorce is finalized. These disclosures give each person a complete picture of the family's income, expenses, assets, and debts, helping ensure that property division and support decisions are based on accurate information.

Why Financial Disclosure Matters

One of the most important steps in a California divorce is completing the required financial disclosures. The purpose is simple: each spouse should have a clear understanding of the family's financial situation before reaching agreements about property, support, or settlement. The required disclosure package is known as the Declaration of Disclosure and generally consists of four separate forms. Together, these documents create a snapshot of your financial circumstances at the time they are completed.

Income and Expense Declaration

The first document is the Income and Expense Declaration. This four-page form provides an overview of your financial situation, including:
  • Employment information
  • Income from all sources
  • Monthly living expenses
  • Health insurance and medical expenses
  • Childcare and educational expenses
You must also attach supporting documentation. Most people provide their last 2 months’ pay stubs. If you are self-employed, you must provide a year-to-date profit and loss statement instead of pay stubs. The goal is to show the income coming into your household and the expenses being paid.

Schedule of Assets and Debts

The second required form is the Schedule of Assets and Debts. This document lists everything you own and everything you owe, regardless of whether you believe an item is community property or separate property. The disclosure includes assets such as:
  • Real estate
  • Vehicles
  • Bank accounts
  • Investment accounts
  • Retirement accounts
  • Businesses and partnerships
  • Personal property and collectibles
It also includes debts such as mortgages, vehicle loans, credit cards, taxes, student loans, and other financial obligations. Supporting documents must accompany these disclosures, including deeds, mortgage statements, bank statements, retirement account statements, vehicle titles, credit card statements, and loan information. These records help verify the information provided on the forms.

Tax Returns and Additional Financial Information

The third document, the Disclosure Declaration confirms that you completed the required financial forms and requires you to provide your income tax returns for the last two years, including all schedules and business returns when applicable. This form also asks whether you possess information that could affect the value of an asset or a debt that may not be readily apparent, or whether you have been offered any new business opportunities that should be disclosed. The purpose is to ensure that neither spouse is making important financial decisions without complete information.

Filing Proof That Disclosures Were Completed

The fourth document is the Declaration Regarding Service of Declaration of Disclosure. Rather than filing all your financial records with the court, this document confirms, under penalty of perjury, that you completed the required disclosures and properly provided them to your spouse. In many non-litigated divorces, this is the only disclosure document filed with the court. A judge will not approve a final divorce judgment until this declaration has been filed.

Preliminary and Final Disclosures

California law requires both a preliminary and a final Declaration of Disclosure. However, you and your spouse are permitted to waive one, usually the final, disclosure by agreement. Even when the final disclosure is waived, significant financial changes must still be disclosed so that you both have accurate financial information throughout the divorce process.

Working Together During the Disclosure Process

In Mediation and Collaborative Divorce, you and your spouse can gather your financial information together, particularly when preparing the Schedule of Assets and Debts. A financial neutral or Certified Divorce Financial Analyst can help to organize financial records into spreadsheets that accompany the required forms. Income and expense declarations reflect each person's individual earnings and personal expenses, and are signed individually. The financial neutral can help each of you with gathering and organizing your individual income and expense information.

What Happens If Something Is Left Out of the Disclosures?

California law takes financial disclosure requirements very seriously. If an asset or debt is accidentally omitted, the court can reopen the property division so that the omitted item is properly addressed. If someone intentionally hides assets or fails to disclose required information, the consequences can become much more serious. The court has authority to set aside portions of the judgment, award a larger share, or even all, of the undisclosed asset to the other spouse, and require the offending spouse to pay attorney's fees and costs. When preparing your financial disclosures, the safest rule is simple: if you are wondering whether something should be disclosed, disclose it. California's financial disclosure requirements are designed to give both spouses a complete and accurate picture of their financial circumstances before a divorce is finalized. Complete, honest disclosures help promote fair settlements and reduce the risk of future legal disputes.

Frequently Asked Questions

What documents are included in a California Declaration of Disclosure?

The disclosure package includes the Income and Expense Declaration, the Schedule of Assets and Debts, the Declaration of Disclosure, and the Declaration Regarding Service of Declaration of Disclosure.

Do I have to disclose separate property?

Yes. California requires disclosure of both community property and separate property so that all financial information is available during the divorce process.

What happens if I fail to disclose an asset?

If an asset is accidentally omitted, the court may reopen the property division. If an asset is intentionally hidden, the court may impose significant penalties, including awarding more or all of the asset to the other spouse and ordering payment of attorney's fees. Lisa R. Murray is a family law attorney focusing on the Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Processes. She can help you determine your goals in separation or divorce. Ms. Murray has been practicing family law since 1989 and is an owner of Chase, Berenstein and Murray Counselors at Law in Burlingame, CA. She is recognized by Super Lawyers (https://www.superlawyers.com), an elite group of 5% of top lawyers, for 15 consecutive years. She can be reached at [nap_phone id="LOCAL-CT-NUMBER-1"] or visit https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com]]> On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Law <![CDATA[Divorced parents: What do you need to know before you book that summer trip?]]> https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=49383 2026-06-15T10:48:12Z 2026-06-15T10:48:12Z Summer travel with your children sounds exciting until your custody agreement gets in the way. Out-of-state and international travel rules catch many divorced parents off guard. This can happen even after you book a flight.  California courts take custody compliance seriously and traveling outside those boundaries without permission can lead to real legal trouble. Knowing the rules before you book could save you from a stressful and costly situation.

The legal boundaries of out-of-state and international travel for divorced parents

California custody orders often include specific travel rules. Both parents must follow no matter how smoothly the divorce went:
  • Custody order travel restrictions: Many California custody agreements require one parent to get written permission from the other before taking the children out of state or out of the country.
  • Required consent from the other parent: Even when a custody order does not specifically mention travel a court may still expect both parents to talk it over and agree before a big trip.
  • Passport consent requirements: Getting a passport for a minor child in the US typically requires both parents to sign off making international travel impossible without the other parent's cooperation.
  • The Hague Convention: Taking a child to another country without consent could trigger international parental abduction proceedings under the Hague Convention — a serious legal consequence that is hard to undo.
  • Traveling without consent: A parent who takes children out of state or abroad without proper permission may face contempt of court charges and could risk losing custody time.
Knowing these boundaries is the first step. Next, you must build a plan that makes future travel easier for everyone.

How a collaborative divorce agreement simplifies travel consent

A well-crafted collaborative divorce agreement can take most of the stress out of travel planning before problems ever come up. Here are some benefits:
  • Couples who go through a collaborative divorce can build clear travel rules directly into their agreement from the very beginning
  • Pre-approved travel windows and destination boundaries give both parents a clear framework without constant back-and-forth
  • The agreement can spell out exactly what each parent needs to share before a trip — things like itineraries, contact numbers and where the kids will be staying
  • When disagreements do come up collaborative agreements usually include a way to resolve them without going back to court
Planning these details early protects both parents and gives your children the stability they need to actually enjoy their summer. A good custody travel plan makes things easier for everyone, especially the children. Having the right guidance while building or updating that plan could turn summer travel into something your whole family looks forward to.  ]]> On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Law <![CDATA[June is the perfect time to revisit your finances as a couple — here’s why]]> https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=49381 2026-06-11T12:45:24Z 2026-06-11T12:45:24Z The halfway point of the year has a way of sneaking up on couples who have set their sights on everything else life throws at them. But June offers something truly valuable — a natural pause to look at where your finances stand before the year gets away from you for good.  For couples with separate business interests or individually held assets this mid-year window carries real planning potential. Having that conversation with openness and a shared goal can actually bring couples closer rather than create tension.

Why mid-year is a smart time for couples to assess their financial picture

A lot can shift in the first half of a year and those shifts deserve a closer look before they quietly complicate things down the road.
  • Changes in income or business valuation: A business that has grown significantly since January may now hold far more value than either spouse accounted for in earlier talks.
  • New investments or property: Assets acquired during the year may need clearer boundaries around ownership to avoid confusion later.
  • Shifting business interests or partnerships: Taking on a new business partner or expanding operations can blur the line between marital and separate property in ways that are worth addressing now.
  • Inheritance or career transitions: A windfall or a major career change can alter the financial dynamic between spouses enough to warrant a fresh look at existing agreements.
  • Getting ahead of year-end decisions: Addressing financial hurdles mid-year leaves plenty of time to make smart decisions rather than rushed ones before December.
Taking stock of these changes together sets the stage for a productive and constructive planning conversation.

How a postnuptial agreement can protect both spouses in California

A postnuptial agreement gives married couples in California a clear and legally recognized way to define financial headaches without framing it as a lack of trust.
  • Unlike a prenuptial agreement a postnuptial agreement gets drafted after the wedding and can address assets and interests that have developed during the marriage
  • California law allows couples to use postnuptial agreements to protect separate business interests and clarify ownership of individually held assets
  • A collaborative approach to drafting the agreement helps both spouses feel heard and respected throughout the process
  • Working with a collaborative divorce professional rather than opposing attorneys tends to produce agreements that reflect both spouses' goals equally
Proactive financial planning is one of the most constructive things a couple can do together mid-year. A postnuptial agreement is not a sign that something is wrong in a marriage. Think of it as a sign that both spouses take their shared future seriously. Having the right guidance through that process could make the conversation as productive and stress-free as possible.  ]]> On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Law <![CDATA[Now is the time to finalize your summer custody schedule]]> https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=49379 2026-04-17T11:31:15Z 2026-04-17T11:31:15Z It probably seems like your child’s spring break just ended, but it’s not too early to make sure that you and your co-parent have your summer custody schedule in place. If you already have a separate summer break schedule that you switch to when school is out, that’s great. However, if you don’t have one, you could suffer unnecessary complications once school is out. Even if you had a schedule last summer, it’s crucial to review it and make sure it still meets your and your child’s needs. 

Does the schedule need to change over the summer?

Even if you and your co-parent will be working as usual, it may benefit your child to stay for longer stretches with each parent, with fewer changeovers. Some parents move to a schedule of switching every two weeks, for example, rather than every few days or every week. Older children and teens generally do better with longer stays with each parent than little ones do. Young children can become homesick and anxious if they don’t see a parent for more than a few days – even if they video chat with them daily.   Sometimes, a long-distance parent will take a child for most of the summer to help make up for the lack of time they have with them during the rest of the year. In some cases, parents will “split” the summer in half, with each taking the child for half of their break. If your child has planned activities for the summer, like going to camp, taking summer school classes, participating in sports or working, it’s crucial to take those into consideration. Maybe they have friends (or a special friend) they don’t want to leave for a long period. If your child is old enough, they typically should weigh in on custody schedule changes.  While you’re at it, this is the best time to determine whether one or both of you wants to plan any travel with your child – separately or maybe even together. That may mean getting written permission if you’re going out of state or more than a designated distance.

Are child support changes necessary?

If your and your co-parent’s division of parenting time will be significantly different than usual, you need to consider how your child support order (if you have one) needs to change. That too should be codified. A verbal agreement alone can result in complications. If you’re putting modified child custody and support agreements in place for the summer, don’t underestimate the importance of making sure they’re legally valid and clear. Having your own legal representation can help you avoid confusion and conflict and help ensure that your child looks back fondly on this summer.  ]]> by Lisa Murray <![CDATA[Does an Affair Matter in a California Divorce?]]> https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=49373 2026-03-19T05:46:28Z 2026-03-19T04:15:47Z In California, an affair doesn't impact the legal outcome of divorce — property, custody, and support remain unaffected. Emotionally and practically, however, infidelity can complicate negotiations, prolong the process, and increase costs. Affairs do matter legally if marital funds were misused. When infidelity is the impetus for a divorce, one of the first questions often asked is whether an affair will have an effect on the outcome of the case. In California, the answer is both yes and no, depending on whether you are looking at the legal issues or the emotional and practical realities of the divorce process.

No-Fault Divorce in California

California is a no-fault divorce state, which means that the reason for the divorce — whether infidelity or otherwise — does not impact the court's decision to grant the divorce. When filing, the majority of cases state "irreconcilable differences" in the Petition. From a purely legal perspective, an affair generally does not impact property division, custody, child support, or spousal support. The court does not assign blame for the breakdown of the marriage.

When Can an Affair Affect the Process?

Even though the law does not punish a spouse for infidelity, an affair can significantly affect the divorce process. Infidelity is a profound breach of trust, and when trust is lost, negotiations become more difficult.
  • The spouse who had the affair may need to take extra steps to rebuild credibility, such as providing more financial documents or agreeing to put more terms in writing.
  • These additional steps can slow down the process and reduce the amount of money left for the family's future.
In short, while the court may not care about the affair, the betrayed spouse does care, and that emotional reality influences how negotiations unfold.

Financial Misconduct Does Matter

One area where an affair can directly affect the divorce is if marital funds were used to support the relationship. For example:
  • Paying for vacations, hotels, or gifts for the person outside the marriage.
  • Withdrawing or hiding money from joint accounts.
If significant sums were spent, the court may treat this as a misuse of community property, and the spouse who spent the money could be required to reimburse the other spouse. In this case, it is not the affair itself but the financial impact of the affair that matters legally.

The Emotional Component

For the spouse who was cheated on, divorce can bring anger, grief, and feelings of betrayal. Some people want to go to court simply to have their story heard. While the legal system is not designed to provide emotional closure, alternative dispute resolution processes such as Mediation or Collaborative Divorce can provide space for these feelings. In Collaborative Divorce, for example, divorce coaches — who are mental health professionals — can help both spouses:
  • Manage the emotional fallout.
  • Communicate more effectively.
  • Create space for genuine acknowledgment and, where appropriate, apology.

Summing Up — An Affair Does Matter?

So, does an affair matter in a California divorce? Legally, no — unless significant funds were misused. Emotionally and practically, yes. While the court does not punish a spouse for cheating, an affair can still make the divorce process longer, more expensive, and more emotionally challenging. The key to moving forward is rebuilding enough trust to negotiate fairly and focusing on preserving resources for the future rather than letting conflict consume them. Lisa R. Murray is a family law attorney with a focus on the Collaborative Divorce and Mediation processes. She can help you determine your goals in separation or divorce. Ms. Murray has been practicing family law since 1989 and is owner of Chase, Berenstein and Murray Counselors at Law in Burlingame, CA. She is recognized by Super Lawyers — an elite group of 5% of top lawyers — for 15 consecutive years. She can be reached at 650-642-3897 or visit https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com]]>