Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Law

Divorced parents: What do you need to know before you book that summer trip?

2026-06-15T10:48:12Z

Summer travel with your children sounds exciting until your custody agreement gets in the way. Out-of-state and international travel rules catch many divorced parents off guard. This can happen even after you book a flight. California courts take custody compliance seriously and traveling outside those boundaries without permission can lead to real legal trouble. Knowing the rules before you book could save you from a stressful and costly situation.

The legal boundaries of out-of-state and international travel for divorced parents

California custody orders often include specific travel rules. Both parents must follow no matter how smoothly the divorce went:

Custody order travel restrictions: Many California custody agreements require one parent to get written permission from the other before taking the children out of state or out of the country.
Required consent from the other parent: Even when a custody order does not specifically mention travel a court may still expect both parents to talk it over and agree before a big trip.
Passport consent requirements: Getting a passport for a minor child in the US typically requires both parents to sign off making international travel impossible without the other parent's cooperation.
The Hague Convention: Taking a child to another country without consent could trigger international parental abduction proceedings under the Hague Convention — a serious legal consequence that is hard to undo.
Traveling without consent: A parent who takes children out of state or abroad without proper permission may face contempt of court charges and could risk losing custody time.

Knowing these boundaries is the first step. Next, you must build a plan that makes future travel easier for everyone.

How a collaborative divorce agreement simplifies travel consent

A well-crafted collaborative divorce agreement can take most of the stress out of travel planning before problems ever come up. Here are some benefits:

Couples who go through a collaborative divorce can build clear travel rules directly into their agreement from the very beginning
Pre-approved travel windows and destination boundaries give both parents a clear framework without constant back-and-forth
The agreement can spell out exactly what each parent needs to share before a trip — things like itineraries, contact numbers and where the kids will be staying
When disagreements do come up collaborative agreements usually include a way to resolve them without going back to court

Planning these details early protects both parents and gives your children the stability they need to actually enjoy their summer. A good custody travel plan makes things easier for everyone, especially the children. Having the right guidance while building or updating that plan could turn summer travel into something your whole family looks forward to.

June is the perfect time to revisit your finances as a couple — here’s why

2026-06-11T12:45:24Z

The halfway point of the year has a way of sneaking up on couples who have set their sights on everything else life throws at them. But June offers something truly valuable — a natural pause to look at where your finances stand before the year gets away from you for good. For couples with separate business interests or individually held assets this mid-year window carries real planning potential. Having that conversation with openness and a shared goal can actually bring couples closer rather than create tension.

Why mid-year is a smart time for couples to assess their financial picture

A lot can shift in the first half of a year and those shifts deserve a closer look before they quietly complicate things down the road.

Changes in income or business valuation: A business that has grown significantly since January may now hold far more value than either spouse accounted for in earlier talks.
New investments or property: Assets acquired during the year may need clearer boundaries around ownership to avoid confusion later.
Shifting business interests or partnerships: Taking on a new business partner or expanding operations can blur the line between marital and separate property in ways that are worth addressing now.
Inheritance or career transitions: A windfall or a major career change can alter the financial dynamic between spouses enough to warrant a fresh look at existing agreements.
Getting ahead of year-end decisions: Addressing financial hurdles mid-year leaves plenty of time to make smart decisions rather than rushed ones before December.

Taking stock of these changes together sets the stage for a productive and constructive planning conversation.

How a postnuptial agreement can protect both spouses in California

A postnuptial agreement gives married couples in California a clear and legally recognized way to define financial headaches without framing it as a lack of trust.

Unlike a prenuptial agreement a postnuptial agreement gets drafted after the wedding and can address assets and interests that have developed during the marriage
California law allows couples to use postnuptial agreements to protect separate business interests and clarify ownership of individually held assets
A collaborative approach to drafting the agreement helps both spouses feel heard and respected throughout the process
Working with a collaborative divorce professional rather than opposing attorneys tends to produce agreements that reflect both spouses' goals equally

Proactive financial planning is one of the most constructive things a couple can do together mid-year. A postnuptial agreement is not a sign that something is wrong in a marriage. Think of it as a sign that both spouses take their shared future seriously. Having the right guidance through that process could make the conversation as productive and stress-free as possible.

Now is the time to finalize your summer custody schedule

2026-04-17T11:31:15Z

It probably seems like your child’s spring break just ended, but it’s not too early to make sure that you and your co-parent have your summer custody schedule in place. If you already have a separate summer break schedule that you switch to when school is out, that’s great. However, if you don’t have one, you could suffer unnecessary complications once school is out. Even if you had a schedule last summer, it’s crucial to review it and make sure it still meets your and your child’s needs.

Does the schedule need to change over the summer?

Even if you and your co-parent will be working as usual, it may benefit your child to stay for longer stretches with each parent, with fewer changeovers. Some parents move to a schedule of switching every two weeks, for example, rather than every few days or every week. Older children and teens generally do better with longer stays with each parent than little ones do. Young children can become homesick and anxious if they don’t see a parent for more than a few days – even if they video chat with them daily. Sometimes, a long-distance parent will take a child for most of the summer to help make up for the lack of time they have with them during the rest of the year. In some cases, parents will “split” the summer in half, with each taking the child for half of their break. If your child has planned activities for the summer, like going to camp, taking summer school classes, participating in sports or working, it’s crucial to take those into consideration. Maybe they have friends (or a special friend) they don’t want to leave for a long period. If your child is old enough, they typically should weigh in on custody schedule changes. While you’re at it, this is the best time to determine whether one or both of you wants to plan any travel with your child – separately or maybe even together. That may mean getting written permission if you’re going out of state or more than a designated distance.

Are child support changes necessary?

If your and your co-parent’s division of parenting time will be significantly different than usual, you need to consider how your child support order (if you have one) needs to change. That too should be codified. A verbal agreement alone can result in complications. If you’re putting modified child custody and support agreements in place for the summer, don’t underestimate the importance of making sure they’re legally valid and clear. Having your own legal representation can help you avoid confusion and conflict and help ensure that your child looks back fondly on this summer.

Does an Affair Matter in a California Divorce?

2026-03-19T05:46:28Z

In California, an affair doesn't impact the legal outcome of divorce — property, custody, and support remain unaffected. Emotionally and practically, however, infidelity can complicate negotiations, prolong the process, and increase costs. Affairs do matter legally if marital funds were misused. When infidelity is the impetus for a divorce, one of the first questions often asked is whether an affair will have an effect on the outcome of the case. In California, the answer is both yes and no, depending on whether you are looking at the legal issues or the emotional and practical realities of the divorce process.

No-Fault Divorce in California

California is a no-fault divorce state, which means that the reason for the divorce — whether infidelity or otherwise — does not impact the court's decision to grant the divorce. When filing, the majority of cases state "irreconcilable differences" in the Petition. From a purely legal perspective, an affair generally does not impact property division, custody, child support, or spousal support. The court does not assign blame for the breakdown of the marriage.

When Can an Affair Affect the Process?

Even though the law does not punish a spouse for infidelity, an affair can significantly affect the divorce process. Infidelity is a profound breach of trust, and when trust is lost, negotiations become more difficult.

The spouse who had the affair may need to take extra steps to rebuild credibility, such as providing more financial documents or agreeing to put more terms in writing.
These additional steps can slow down the process and reduce the amount of money left for the family's future.

In short, while the court may not care about the affair, the betrayed spouse does care, and that emotional reality influences how negotiations unfold.

Financial Misconduct Does Matter

One area where an affair can directly affect the divorce is if marital funds were used to support the relationship. For example:

Paying for vacations, hotels, or gifts for the person outside the marriage.
Withdrawing or hiding money from joint accounts.

If significant sums were spent, the court may treat this as a misuse of community property, and the spouse who spent the money could be required to reimburse the other spouse. In this case, it is not the affair itself but the financial impact of the affair that matters legally.

The Emotional Component

For the spouse who was cheated on, divorce can bring anger, grief, and feelings of betrayal. Some people want to go to court simply to have their story heard. While the legal system is not designed to provide emotional closure, alternative dispute resolution processes such as Mediation or Collaborative Divorce can provide space for these feelings. In Collaborative Divorce, for example, divorce coaches — who are mental health professionals — can help both spouses:

Manage the emotional fallout.
Communicate more effectively.
Create space for genuine acknowledgment and, where appropriate, apology.

Summing Up — An Affair Does Matter?

So, does an affair matter in a California divorce? Legally, no — unless significant funds were misused. Emotionally and practically, yes. While the court does not punish a spouse for cheating, an affair can still make the divorce process longer, more expensive, and more emotionally challenging. The key to moving forward is rebuilding enough trust to negotiate fairly and focusing on preserving resources for the future rather than letting conflict consume them. Lisa R. Murray is a family law attorney with a focus on the Collaborative Divorce and Mediation processes. She can help you determine your goals in separation or divorce. Ms. Murray has been practicing family law since 1989 and is owner of Chase, Berenstein and Murray Counselors at Law in Burlingame, CA. She is recognized by Super Lawyers — an elite group of 5% of top lawyers — for 15 consecutive years. She can be reached at 650-642-3897 or visit https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com

What is divorce mediation and when is it a good fit?

2026-03-16T14:07:30Z

Divorce already forces you to make hard decisions. The last thing you may want is a drawn-out fight in a courtroom where someone else controls the pace and the outcome. If you are looking for a way to move through this process with more control and less escalation, it might help to understand whether mediation fits your situation.

What is divorce mediation?

Divorce mediation is a process where you and your spouse work with a neutral mediator and try to work out your divorce terms without going to court. You sit down together and address the issues you need to resolve, which often include property division, financial support and parenting arrangements. Moreover, you do it in a setting designed to keep the discussion focused and productive. The mediator does not decide the outcome for you. You stay in control of the decisions, and the mediator guides the conversation so it does not spiral into blame or gridlock. If you reach an agreement, you put the terms in writing and submit them to the court. The process allows you to complete the divorce without asking a judge to shape the details.

When is divorce mediation a good fit?

Divorce mediation works best when you and your spouse are willing to negotiate honestly and share financial information openly. If you want a say in the final outcome and believe you can discuss money or parenting without intimidation, threats or manipulation, mediation can give you the structure to do that. You also need transparency. The process depends on both of you putting accurate income, asset and debt information on the table. If you feel unsafe, overpowered or shut out of information, mediation may not give you the level of protection you need. In that case, a more formal court process may serve you better.

Choosing the right path for your divorce

You do not have to decide on mediation alone, and you do not have to guess whether it will work in your specific circumstances. If you are considering divorce, talk with a family law attorney about whether mediation fits your situation and what other options you have if it does not. Choosing the right process can make an already difficult season feel more manageable.

What is a prenup and when does it make sense?

2026-03-16T15:02:38Z

If the word “prenup” makes you tense up, you’re not alone, because it can sound colder than it actually is. The reality is simpler, and you can approach it in a way that keeps the relationship intact. Here’s a clear look at it.

What is a prenup?

A prenup is a written agreement you and your fiancé sign before you get married. It says how you will handle certain money and property issues if the marriage ends. In everyday terms, it puts your financial ground rules into one document so you both know what you’re agreeing to, instead of relying on assumptions or vague “we’ll figure it out” promises. Think of it like writing down house rules before you move in together. You decide what stays personal, what you treat as shared and how you handle specific assets or debts.

When does a prenup make sense?

A prenup makes sense when there’s something specific about your finances that could create a real disagreement later if you never define it. A few examples include:

If one of you is bringing significantly more assets into the marriage, such as a home, substantial savings, investments or ownership in a business.
If income is unpredictable or tied to performance, such as commissions, bonuses, equity or a growing business.
If one of you carries meaningful debt that will affect shared financial decisions, even if the account stays in one name.
If family money is involved, whether that means a planned down payment gift, inherited property or expected future inheritance.
If one of you plans to reduce or leave work to support the household, which changes how financial contribution looks over time.

These are the situations where assumptions tend to break down, not because the relationship is weak, but because money can mean different things to different people.

Do you need one?

You do not need a prenup simply because someone else says you should, but if you want fewer financial unknowns going into marriage, it may be a conversation worth having. A lawyer can explain what would happen without one and help you structure something that reflects what the two of you actually intend. Clarity now usually makes commitment feel more secure.

The Advantages of Prenuptial Agreement for a Blended Family

2026-03-06T06:34:40Z

When couples come together in a second marriage, often with children, prior financial obligations, and personal assets, a prenuptial agreement (prenup) can provide clarity, protection, and a stronger foundation for the future. For blended families, like the Brady Bunch, discussing and creating a prenup isn't just a legal step, it is a practical and emotional safeguard.

Establishing Financial Clarity Early

One of the biggest advantages of a prenup is that it prompts financial conversations early in the relationship. In American culture, money can be a taboo topic, and many couples avoid discussing it until problems arise. A prenup requires full financial disclosure, meaning that you both come into the marriage with a clear picture of debts, assets, and spending habits. This can help avoid unpleasant surprises, like discovering a partner has significant consumer debt, and prevent future conflict, because you discuss who is responsible for and how the debt will be paid.

Protecting Children's Interests

In blended families, one or both of you may come to the marriage with children from a previous relationship. A prenup enables you to ensure that certain assets are preserved for your biological children, particularly when it comes to future expenses like college tuition, or inheritance. Without such an agreement, assets could be distributed according to default state laws, which may not align with your wishes. By spelling out who will pay for what and preserving funds for each spouse's children, a prenup supports estate planning and avoids disputes in the event of death or in a divorce proceeding.

Respecting Prior Legal Obligations

Many entering second marriages have continuing financial responsibilities, such as, spousal support for a former spouse, child support, or college payments required by a previous divorce judgment. Your new spouse may not want, or be legally obligated, to contribute to these payments. A prenup can carve out how these responsibilities will be managed, ensuring that one partner's obligations don't unintentionally become the other's burden.

Aligning Philosophies on Money

Financial disagreements are a major cause of divorce. A prenup opens the door to conversations about saving, spending, debt, and long-term goals. Couples often have deep-rooted beliefs shaped by their upbringing, whether it's "children should pay their way through college" or "parents should help children with college expenses if they are able to do so." Discussing these philosophies upfront allows you to understand each other's values and reach agreements before conflicts arise.

Building a Stronger Foundation

While prenups are often seen as legal documents, they are also powerful tools for communication. By agreeing in advance on when you and your new spouse must discuss expenditures, or what decisions require mutual agreement and over what do you each have autonomy to make purchases or otherwise spend or commit funds, you build trust and strengthen your partnership. These early agreements can help you to avoid the very issues that may have led to a previous marriage ending. In short, a prenup in a blended family isn't about expecting the worst, it is about planning for the best. Lisa R. Murray is an experienced attorney in the Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Processes. She can help you determine the goals in a separation of a divorce. Ms. Murray has been practicing family law since 1989 and is an owner of Chase, Berenstein and Murray Counselors at Law in Burlingame, CA. She has been recognized by Super Lawyers, (https://superlawyers.com), an elite group of top 5% of lawyers, for 15 consecutive years. She can be reached at [nap_phone id="LOCAL-CT-NUMBER-1"] or visit https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com

Why Are More Older Couples Getting Divorced?

2026-02-23T08:41:41Z

“Gray divorce,” marriages that end when the spouses are age 50 or older , is on the rise. This is likely due to shifting social views, greater financial independence (especially for women), unresolved financial or addiction issues, empty-nest realizations, and personal growth that leads couples in different directions. For many, it is less about failure and more about seeking fulfillment and independence in later life.

The divorce rate among older couples has been steadily rising in recent years. While divorce rates overall have leveled off or even declined in some demographics, couples over 50 are ending their marriages at higher rates than ever before. What is behind this trend? Here are several social, financial, and personal factors driving the increase:

Divorce Is More Socially Acceptable

One of the biggest shifts over the past few decades is the way society views divorce. Once heavily stigmatized, divorce is much more widely accepted. For older couples who may have stayed in an unhappy marriage for appearances or family reasons, that social barrier has been lifted. Many now feel freer to make the choice to end their marriage if it is no longer fulfilling.

Greater Financial Independence

Another factor is financial independence, particularly for women. With more women being in the workforce often in professional and leadership roles, women have their own income,retirement accounts, and financial resources. This means less reliance on their spouse and more confidence in their ability to live independently. Additionally, with more assets having been accumulated over the years, couples often have a “bigger pie” to divide, making divorce feel more feasible.

Financial Strain and Addictions

On the flip side, there are sometimes negative financial issues that drive some gray divorces. When one spouse struggles with spending habits, gambling, or substance abuse, the long-term consequences become more serious as couples age. Unlike younger couples who may have time to rebuild financially, older couples often feel they cannot recover from repeated financial setbacks. This can push one partner to finally end the marriage.

The Empty Nest Realization

For many couples, raising children was a shared mission that kept them connected through their marital challenges. Once the children are grown and leave home, however, some couples find that they have little in common beyond parenting. This “empty nest” phase can shine a spotlight on how much distance has grown between partners over the years. Without the daily responsibilities of child-rearing, some couples realize they have grown apart and are more like roommates than romantic partners.

Personal Growth and Changing Needs

Over decades together, people naturally change. Sometimes spouses grow in different directions, developing new interests, values, or life goals. For older couples, there can be a point where they want more from their relationship, and if they don’t see it happening with their partner, they choose to separate and divorce to follow a new path..

Gray Divorce is a Complex Issue

Gray divorce is a complex phenomenon, influenced by social progress, financial realities, and the natural evolution of relationships over time. For many older couples, divorce is not about failure, it is about recognizing that their needs and priorities have shifted, and choosing to pursue a more satisfying and independent path forward.

Lisa R. Murray is a family law attorney focusing on the Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Processes. She can help you determine your goals in a separation or a divorce.

Ms. Murray has been practicing family law since 1989 and is owner of Chase, Berenstein and Murray Counselors at Law in Burlingame, CA. She is recognized by Super Lawyers (https://www.superlawyers.com), an elite group of 5% of top lawyers, for 15 consecutive years.

She can be reached at 650-642-3897 or visit https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com

3 reasons why collaborative divorce is healthiest for kids

2026-02-04T16:04:04Z

Choosing how to end a marriage is likely the most significant decision you will make for the future of your family. Many parents worry that the legal process will lead to long-term emotional strain for their children. While the court system includes mandatory mediation for contested custody cases, the collaborative divorce model offers a different, team-based approach to prioritize your family's well-being. By choosing this path, you can manage the transition with a focus on cooperation rather than conflict.

It reduces toxic stress for the whole family

Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics indicates that high levels of parental conflict can negatively impact a child's development. In a traditional legal setting, the formal nature of court filings and hearings can sometimes increase tension between parents. Collaborative divorce removes the adversarial framing of the split from the start. Because you and your spouse sign an agreement to stay out of the courtroom, the atmosphere shifts toward a collective problem-solving session. When you are able to manage the transition with less friction, your children feel more secure.

You create a custom parenting plan

While California law requires mediation for parents who disagree on custody, the collaborative process goes a step further by involving a full support team. This often includes a child specialist or a neutral financial professional who helps you build a parenting plan tailored to your specific lives. Rather than following a standard court-ordered schedule, you can focus on details such as:

Creating flexible holiday rotations that honor family traditions
Coordinating complex school, sports and extracurricular activities
Developing consistent rules for both households to provide stability
Establishing clear communication methods to prevent future misunderstandings

This collaborative environment allows for creative solutions that might not be available through traditional court-based mediation.

Children remain shielded from legal conflict

One of the most difficult aspects of a divorce is when children feel caught in a loyalty conflict. While the court system strives to protect them, the collaborative model is designed to keep the "voice of the child" at the center of negotiations without placing them in the middle of a legal dispute. A neutral child specialist can meet with your children and bring their needs to the parents privately. This preserves the parent-child bond and ensures that kids do not feel responsible for making legal choices or choosing sides between their parents.

Moving forward with a collaborative divorce

Protecting your family’s emotional health requires a commitment to open communication and mutual respect. While this path requires transparency, the long-term benefits of a peaceful transition are significant for your children’s future. If you are concerned about the impact of a traditional legal process, you may want to speak with a lawyer to see if this model is the right choice for your family.

Holiday joy: Making new memories for your children after divorce

2025-12-16T19:58:38Z

The first holiday season after a divorce can feel challenging or bittersweet. It is natural to feel sadness for the traditions you have lost. But this season is also a unique opportunity. You can consciously create new family traditions focused on your children’s stability and joy. Embracing change with a positive outlook helps you move forward.

Prioritize clear communication and co-parenting

Clear, respectful communication with your co-parent is vital when setting the holiday schedule. While flexibility is important, co-parents should finalize and commit to a visitation schedule early to provide predictability for your children and reduce last-minute stress. If you disagree, remember that you must follow your legally binding court-ordered custody and visitation plan. While it supercedes one parent's wish to alter the arrangement, co-parents can mutually agree to changes. However, it’s advisable to put everything in writing and submit it to the court for approval to ensure enforceability. Your children’s well-being should always be the shared goal. Maintaining a calm, amicable demeanor is essential to their enjoyment of the holidays.

Create new traditions for each household

Enjoying your first holiday season after a divorce can be challenging when balancing cherished traditions with new rituals for each household. Creating new activities reduces the pressure to replicate the past. Make these rituals exciting and specific to each home. Examples of new traditions include:

Dedicating a particular day to baking a new type of cookie or starting a themed movie marathon
Choosing a different evening for a "New Year's Eve" countdown, even if it is not on Dec. 31
Planning a special "holiday light tour" night with hot chocolate

The goal is to create fresh, beloved rituals; new activities that will help your children look forward to their time in each home.

Focus on the long-term benefits

View your new holiday schedule as a permanent part of your family dynamic, not a temporary inconvenience. Children adapt and thrive on consistency. Soon, these traditions will become their "new normal" and a source of treasured memories. The legal complexities of custody and visitation can feel overwhelming. Securing skilled legal guidance can provide the clarity you need to manage these changes smoothly or, if warranted, pursue changes to your custody arrangement by demonstrating to the court that there has been a significant change in circumstances since the last order and that the change is in the child's best interest. Your ability to create a peaceful, supportive environment now will positively shape future holiday seasons for your entire family.