Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at LawBurlingame Family Law Attorney | Collaborative Divorce2024-02-23T21:06:35Zhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/feed/atom/WordPress/wp-content/uploads/sites/1402477/2021/11/cropped-favicon-32x32.pngOn Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Lawhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=482892024-01-10T15:07:11Z2024-01-16T15:06:14ZDivorce Options program, presented by member groups of Collaborative Practice California in various counties, offers valuable insights into the different divorce processes. You and your spouse should each attend one of these workshops or consult with lawyers experienced in various divorce processes to make informed decisions.
When it comes to selecting a divorce process, communicate openly with your spouse. If you've done your research and prefer Mediation or Collaborative Divorce, share this information with your spouse. These processes require mutual agreement, unlike litigation, which is the default option when consensus isn't reached.
Remember, the path to divorce is a personal journey, and each situation is unique. Take the time to process your emotions, seek professional guidance, and make informed decisions that align with your family's needs. The road ahead may be challenging, but with the right support and information, you can navigate it with resilience and grace.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Attorney. She can help you determine the goals for your divorce and work to a settlement that allows you to achieve those goals.
You can reach her at 650-297-0367
This blog was previously posted on https://cpcal.com.]]>On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Lawhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=482872024-01-08T21:50:21Z2024-01-09T21:48:56Z
Keep the Divorce Amicable
First and foremost do all you can to have an amicable divorce. Working with your spouse to create an agreement that minimizes conflict is crucial to preserving your children’s well being. Seeking professional assistance through a Collaborative Divorce process or Mediation can provide a structured and supportive environment to amicably move through divorce.. A child specialist can meet with your children, allowing them to express their concerns and desires regarding the post-divorce world. This not only gives them a voice, but also helps you and your spouse to craft a parenting plan that addresses their unique needs, concerns, and desires.
Don’t Burden Your Children with Too Much Information
Another crucial aspect is not burdening your children with too much information. Avoid turning them into confidants, messengers, or a support network. Keeping communication lines open with your co-parent is essential. Strive for consistency in both households, especially when it comes to fundamental rules like bedtime and homework. This consistency provides children with a sense of security and confidence.
Keep the Atmosphere Positive
Maintaining a civil and positive atmosphere during your conversations with your co-parent, particularly when children are present, is key. Avoid using the children as messengers, and badmouthing your ex-spouse, even when you think your kids aren't listening. Children are perceptive and may be eavesdropping to gain a sense of security in a time of uncertainty.
Allow your children to love and enjoy time with both parents independently. Refrain from grilling them about their experiences while with their other parent or attempting to gather intelligence about the other parent through them. However, encourage them to share positive experiences with both parents. If the children tell you something concerning their time with the other parent, ask the other parent about it before making accusations or acting on the information. Children will often tell a parent what they think they want to hear. They sometimes think telling you they had a good time will hurt your feelings.
Use Discretion with Friends and Family
Lastly, be mindful of conversations with family and friends, as children can pick up on negative sentiments. Avoid badmouthing your ex-spouse, and ask that they refrain from doing so also, as this can create confusion and insecurity for the children.
Divorce has the potential to have a significant negative impact on children. By following the strategies above, and maintaining a child-centric approach, you can navigate the challenges of divorce more gracefully, fostering an environment that prioritizes the emotional well-being of your children. Remember, your actions during this challenging time can shape your children's resilience and strength as they move forward in their lives.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced Collaborative Divorce attorney and Mediator. She can help you to determine the goals for your divorce and post-divorce life. She can be reached at 650-297-0367.]]>On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Lawhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=482452024-02-23T20:59:04Z2023-10-31T16:32:02Zdivorce, and must emphasize the importance of discretion and privacy throughout this journey. Here are 5 tips to consider:
Keep it Private: One fundamental piece of advice is to keep your personal life personal, especially during a divorce. In collaborative or consensual dispute resolution processes, confidentiality is a valuable aspect of the process. Your divorce is a private matter, and what you share on social media should reflect that. It is important that you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse align on the narrative you wish to share with friends, family, and colleagues. This not only maintains privacy but also minimizes the potential for drama or complications in social interactions.
Protect Your Children: Perhaps one of the most critical aspects of using social media during a divorce is protecting your children from unnecessary emotional turmoil. Imagine your child discovering the news of your divorce through a social media post on your device. This is not how you want your children to find out about such a significant life change. Children should be informed directly, thoughtfully, and with sensitivity by their parents, not by the digital world. Ideally, the two of you will tell your children together and be aligned on the information you will share with them.
Avoid Oversharing: In litigation scenarios, social media can become a powerful source of evidence. Courts will consider posts, photos, and other online content as part of the divorce proceedings. Therefore, it's essential to refrain from sharing excessive details about your divorce on social media. Avoid discussing financial matters, property disputes, or child custody issues. Remember, what you post can be used against you.
Preserving Electronic Evidence: If you are in a litigious divorce process, be aware that you may be required to preserve electronic evidence, including social media content. Deleting or purging electronic evidence, even as part of routine practices, can lead to legal consequences if you've been served notice to preserve such data. Seek advice from legal experts to ensure compliance with preservation requirements.
Beware of Digital Footprints: Digital devices hold a wealth of information, and even deleting content does not guarantee it's gone forever. Modern forensic techniques can uncover deleted data, making it crucial to be cautious about what you store and share on your digital devices. This awareness should extend beyond social media and into your overall digital life.
While social media offers a platform for personal expression, it can be a double-edged sword during a divorce. My primary advice to clients is to prioritize privacy, discretion, and the emotional well-being of your children. Whether engaging in a collaborative divorce or facing litigation, you must be aware of the potential consequences of your digital actions. By following these guidelines, you can navigate social media with confidence, protecting your interests and preserving your privacy throughout the challenging divorce process.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Attorney. She can help you determine the goals for your divorce and work to a settlement that allows you to achieve those goals.
You can call her at 650-297-0367.]]>On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Lawhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=479342023-10-30T14:53:12Z2023-10-30T14:53:12ZNew agreements needed
In a move-away scenario where one parent will leave the state or move a distance significant enough to affect the parenting arrangements, that parent will need to communicate with the other parent and about a new parenting agreement.
Ideally, the other parent will be cooperative and will support a decision to relocate, whether the children are relocating with the parent or not. It is quite common for the parent who is not moving to question the move and worry about how it will impact their parenting arrangements. Parents can work together to reach a new parenting agreement which can be written up and filed with the court.
If the parents are unable to reach an agreement, the parent who is moving must file a request to modify the custody and timeshare arrangements with the California family court. In California, mediation is often necessary before litigating custody-related matters.
If the new parenting arrangements cannot be resolved in mediation, a judge will review the matter. The judge may order changes to existing parenting plan to ensure that the children continue to have a relationship with both parents.
Can the children be moved?
The children cannot be moved until an agreement is reached or until a court order allowing them to move is issued. Regardless of whether the children move, parenting plans will allow for visits, travel, and plans for holidays and the summer months. Often, if a parent moves away the children will spend longer periods of time with each parent, than when parents live close together. This often means that one parent will spend more time in the summer or school breaks with one parent and more time during the school year for the parent who lives where the children go to school.
Financial considerations
Move-away arrangements can also have child support implications. The timeshare plan might be different due to the move-away which will cause the child support amount to change. Also, if the children move with the move-away parent, the new support agreement or order will address who pays ravel costs related to visitation. It can be a challenge to resolve these issues and hiring professionals to help you have those conversations is your best option. Learning more about California's laws regarding child custody can help parents who need to change existing child custody agreements.]]>On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Lawhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=482432023-11-14T14:48:56Z2023-10-26T14:29:26Z
Transparency is Key. One fundamental rule is to maintain transparency. The mediator will emphasize that they are a neutral facilitator, and typically have a preference for all communication to involve both you and your spouse, unless there is prior agreement for one-on-one discussions. This approach ensures that there's no ambiguity about what the mediator is conveying to each party, fostering a sense of fairness in the process.
Use Caucuses Thoughtfully. Sometimes, caucuses (private meetings between the mediator and one party) are necessary. However, these should be agreed upon in advance and typically involve issues that both parties agree are sensitive or challenging. Many mediators use caucuses judiciously and only when the situation truly warrants it.
Secrets Are Not Ideal. There might be situations where one party wishes to share information privately. However, the preference is to encourage parties to share important information with each other. This ensures that relevant information is brought into the mediation process, increasing the likelihood of crafting a durable agreement that won't lead to future legal disputes.
Lobbying the Mediator. While it's natural to want the mediator to see your perspective, it's important to remember that mediators are not decision-makers. Instead of viewing it as lobbying, consider it as providing information that supports your proposed resolution. The ultimate decision-makers are you and your spouse, so convincing the mediator is not the primary goal.
Respect Perspectives. It is important to respect your spouses’ perspective during the mediation. If your spouse has concerns or goals that differ from what you think the concerns and goals should be, their perspective should be honored. Ultimately, adults involved in mediation have the autonomy to make their own agreements and resolutions.
Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a successful mediation process in divorce. While rules may vary depending on the mediator's preferences, these guidelines provide a solid foundation for effective communication. By embracing transparency, carefully considering caucuses, and respecting each other's perspectives, you can navigate the mediation process with greater ease and fairness, leading to more satisfactory outcomes for all parties involved.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced Mediation Attorney. She can help you determine the goals for your divorce and work to a settlement that allows you to achieve those goals. You can call her at 605-297-0367.]]>On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Lawhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=479432023-10-25T21:09:09Z2023-10-25T21:09:09Zask for a divorce.
When that happens, it might cause you to wonder how, your spouse’s mental illness ultimately factor into your divorce process?
How severe is your spouse’s mental illness?
Mental illness comes in many different forms and severities. If your spouse has chronic depression, anxiety or even bipolar disorder but the condition is well-managed, your divorce may proceed similar to a divorce process where mental illness is not present.
Here are scenarios when the mental illness can make a divorce more challenging:
If the condition is not well-managed
If your spouse is prone to episodes of decompensation
If your spouse has periods of psychosis or
If your spouse has a drug addiction that has taken control of his/her life
The ability to make decisions
If your spouse has moderate mental illness, they may struggle to make decisions or complete paperwork. Your spouse might make decisions and then abruptly change their mind. If the illness is out of control, they may lack the capacity to make valid agreements. This can make the process more challenging.
When you file for divorce, you may need to inform the court that capacity may be an issue. This alerts the court that there may need to be more involvement of the court. If there is concern about capacity, the court can appoint a guardian ad litem for your spouse to make decisions and act on their behalf.
Child custody and spousal support
Your spouse’s mental health may also affect the agreements that you need to make. If your spouse’s illness (especially if they’re an addict or have psychosis) could endanger the children, that makes custody a more challenging and sometimes fraught issue. It is important that your children have a relationship with their ill parent is safe, and the court can implement measures that protect your children.
If your spouse is unable to work because of mental illness, it will impact the amount and perhaps the duration of spousal support.
Ultimately, your spouse’s mental health issues won’t prevent your divorce, but it likely means the process could take longer than you would like and may more court intervention.]]>On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Lawhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=482412023-11-14T14:51:43Z2023-09-20T16:37:35ZFinancial Housekeeping: The aftermath of a divorce often involves updating financial accounts. You may need to change names on bank accounts, or change beneficiary designations on retirement accounts and life insurance policies. This ensures that your assets are directed as per your wishes in the event of your passing.
Estate Planning: If you have children or other dependents, it's important to update your estate plan. Decide who will care for your kids if something happens to you, update your will, and possibly establish a trust. Your family structure has changed, and your estate plan should reflect this new reality.
Self-Discovery and Healing: Divorce marks a major shift in your life, and rediscovering who you are as an individual is essential. Whether through therapy, hobbies, or personal reflection, take time to understand your interests, goals, and priorities before embarking on new relationships.
Emotional Support: Even if you initiated the divorce, it's normal to experience a sense of loss. Seek therapy or join support groups to navigate the emotional challenges and help you process your feelings constructively.
Budgeting and Financial Adjustments: Your financial situation has likely changed post-divorce. Create a new budget that reflects your income and expenses now that the legal process is over. Reevaluate your spending habits and make sure all automatic payments are adjusted accordingly.
Name Changes: Deciding whether to revert to your maiden name is a personal choice. If you chose to change your name during the divorce process, follow the necessary legal steps to update documents like your driver's license, social security card, passport, and bank accounts.
Maintaining Relationships: Navigating relationships with your ex-spouse's family members can be complex. Determine which connections are important to you and explore ways to maintain them without causing discomfort or tension.
Plan for the Future: Explore new career opportunities or educational pursuits if your life circumstances have changed. This is a chance to redefine your professional path and set new goals for yourself.
The process of adapting to post-divorce life is unique for everyone. While some may find solace in therapy, others might discover new passions through hobbies or career changes. The key is to give yourself the time and space to heal and grow. Remember that you're not alone; seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can make a world of difference.
Divorce is not just the end of a relationship; it's also the beginning of a journey toward self-discovery, healing, and personal growth. By addressing the aforementioned aspects, you can pave the way for a smoother transition and set the stage for a brighter future ahead.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced Collaborative and Mediation Attorney. She can help you to determine the goals for your divorce and post-divorce life. She can be reached at 650-297-0367]]>On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Lawhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=482382023-11-14T14:52:02Z2023-09-15T12:33:57ZChanging Dynamics and Independence
One significant reason behind the rise of gray divorce is the changing dynamics of relationships and marriage. In many cases, it's the woman who initiates the divorce. This shift can be attributed to the increasing financial independence and empowerment of women. Women having their own careers and financial stability, no longer feel trapped in unhappy marriages. Women being financially dependent on their spouses, which was more prevalent in previous generations, is less common today, giving women the freedom to leave an unhappy marriage.
Longer Life Expectancy and Retirement
Another factor contributing to gray divorce is increased life expectancy. As people live longer, they are finding that they have grown apart and want to spend their later years in more fulfilling relationships. The prospect of spending decades with an incompatible partner becomes less appealing. Moreover, as couples reach retirement age, the fear of financial instability post-divorce diminishes. When both partners have contributed to retirement funds and pension plans, there's less concern about being left with nothing.
Changing Social Dynamics
The social landscape has also shifted. The concept of lifelong companionship has evolved, making it more acceptable for individuals to prioritize their own well-being and happiness. This is particularly evident in situations where couples find themselves spending more time together in retirement. While they may have been able to maintain their relationship while they also navigated work commitments, the challenges of constant togetherness can highlight existing issues and lead to gray divorce.
Impact of COVID-19
The COVID-19 pandemic played an unexpected role in gray divorces as well. The restrictions imposed during lockdowns forced couples to spend an unprecedented amount of time together. This intensified togetherness acted as a catalyst for some couples, revealing irreparable differences that were previously unrecognized. The inability to engage in activities outside the home, such as going to work, socializing with friends, or pursuing hobbies, magnified relationship conflicts and prompted some individuals to reevaluate their marriages.
The Importance of Prenuptial Agreements
Considering the rising trend of gray divorce, the importance of prenuptial agreements cannot be overlooked. As individuals enter new relationships later in life, a prenup can provide clarity and protection for both parties. It allows couples to outline how assets and financial responsibilities will be handled in the event of a divorce, potentially saving them from complex legal battles down the road.
In conclusion, gray divorce is a complex phenomenon influenced by changing societal norms, longer life expectancy, financial independence, and unexpected events like the COVID-19 pandemic. The rise of women initiating these divorces reflects a broader trend of empowerment and independence. As relationships evolve and individuals seek greater fulfillment, the dynamics of marriage are being reshaped in the later stages of life. The significance of prenuptial agreements in this context cannot be understated, providing a safeguard against potential future challenges. As gray divorce continues to be a topic of interest, understanding its causes and implications is essential for navigating changing relationship dynamics in the modern world.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Attorney. She can help you to determine the goals for your divorce and work to a settlement that allows you to achieve those goals.
She can be reached at 650-297–0367]]>On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Lawhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=482312023-11-14T14:52:24Z2023-09-13T14:17:28Z
Property Allocation: A primary purpose of a prenuptial agreement is to establish how finances and property will be allocated between the spouses. Typically, the premarital agreement will dictate the division of property in the event of a divorce. For example, if the agreement states that all retirement accounts belong solely to the person whose name they are titled, this arrangement will carry forward into the divorce. Each spouse will be assigned their respective retirement assets without any equalization of those accounts. The agreement may also define what income and expenses will be considered shared and what income and expenses will be considered separate income and obligations.
Contesting the Prenup: In some cases, a spouse may contest the validity or enforceability of the prenuptial agreement. If a person seeks to challenge the agreement, the court would need to find that there is a legal reason not to follow it. The court may consider factors such as whether the agreement was obtained through coercion or fraud, or if there was a lack of comprehensive financial disclosures, or a circumstance where enforcing the agreement would lead to an unconscionable outcome for one spouse. If the court determines that the agreement is unenforceable, the judge may order an alternative division of assets, such as a substantially equal distribution of retirement assets.
Spousal Support and Child Custody: While a prenuptial agreement primarily focuses on property allocation, it can also address spousal support in the event of a divorce. It's important to note that a prenup cannot dictate child custody and child support arrangements. Courts are obligated to evaluate these matters based on the best interests of the child and the prevailing laws at the time of divorce. Therefore, any provisions in a prenuptial agreement relating to child custody or child support will not be enforceable.
Circumstances for Invalidating a Prenup: There are several circumstances under which a prenuptial agreement may be set aside by the court. These include:
a) Failure to follow the legal requirements: In some jurisdictions, there may be specific rules surrounding the execution of a prenup. For example, a mandatory waiting period may be required before signing the agreement. Failing to adhere to these legal requirements could render the prenup invalid.
b) Unconscionable circumstances: If enforcing the prenuptial agreement would result in one spouse being in an extremely disadvantaged or unfair financial position due to unforeseen circumstances during the marriage, the court may overturn the agreement.
c) Lack of proper legal representation: If one spouse had legal counsel while the other did not, it can raise concerns about the fairness and informed consent of an unrepresented spouse when entering into the agreement. The court may scrutinize such cases more closely to ensure both parties fully understood the terms and implications of the prenup.
d) Fraud or inaccurate financial disclosures: A prenup requires full and accurate disclosure of each spouse's assets and debts. If one party conceals or misrepresents their financial information, the court may consider the agreement to be fraudulent and set it aside
A prenuptial agreement can be an effective tool for protecting your assets and establishing clear guidelines for property allocation in the event of a divorce. However, it's crucial to understand the legal requirements and limitations of prenups, especially regarding spousal support, child support, and child custody. While prenups can provide security and peace of mind, it's advisable to consult with a qualified family law attorney to ensure your agreement is legally binding and equitable to both parties.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Attorney. She can help you determine the goals for your divorce and work to a settlement that allows you to achieve those goals.
You can call her at 650-297-0367.]]>On Behalf of Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Lawhttps://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com/?p=482202023-11-14T14:52:51Z2023-07-13T11:56:59ZPreserving Assets and Income
When entering into a subsequent marriage, unlike in a first marriage, where the focus may be more on building shared assets, individuals in second or later marriages may be more concerned about protecting their existing wealth from potential division in the event of a divorce, or preserving wealth for their children from a previous marriage or relationship. Couples should openly discuss and address these concerns when negotiating a prenup agreement.
Complexities of Support
In second marriages, conversations around spousal support can be more intricate, especially when one partner was previously married while the other may be marrying for the first time. The recipient of spousal support from a prior marriage may need to consider that the support will terminate when they remarry. These conversations require sensitivity and understanding, as they may potentially involve giving up something valuable. The prenup should explicitly outline the expectations and responsibilities related to support.
Considerations for Children and Estates
Partners in second or later marriages often have children from prior relationships. It is essential to consider what will happen to assets in the event of death. Many individuals want to ensure that their children inherit certain assets, such as a home. The prenup conversation should address questions about how long a surviving spouse can continue to live in the home and the financial implications associated with it. These discussions allow for clarity in expectations and avoid potential conflicts regarding estate planning and the distribution of assets.
Periodic Review and Update
Prenuptial agreements should not be considered a one-time document that can be forgotten in a drawer. You should periodically review and potentially update the prenup to ensure it still aligns with your goals as a couple and changing financial circumstances. It is also essential to ensure that you comply with the agreement's terms, as failure to do so may lead a court to disregard its validity. Similarly, estate plans should be regularly reviewed to reflect current circumstances and ensure the intentions of you and your spouse.
Conversations about prenuptial agreements in second or later marriages safeguard individual assets, address support concerns, and protect the interests of children from previous relationships. These discussions provide an opportunity to openly communicate about your financial expectations, secure existing wealth, and establish clear guidelines for estate planning. By periodically reviewing and updating the prenup and estate plans, you can ensure that the agreements continue to reflect your evolving circumstances and goals. Ultimately, engaging in a thoughtful and transparent financial conversations about the prenup sets the foundation for a secure and well-prepared marriage.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Attorney. She can help you to determine the goals for your divorce and work to a settlement that allows you to achieve those goals.
Your may call her at 650-642-3897.]]>