Holding onto resentment can keep you emotionally connected to the pain of the divorce and make it harder to move forward.
Processing emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and anxiety is an important part of healing.
Mental health professionals provide valuable support during the divorce process and after the divorce is over.
Focusing on where you want to go next instead of what happened in the past creates opportunities for personal growth.
Releasing resentment allows you to focus on your future and begin building the next chapter of your life.
Letting Go Is About Moving Forward After Your Divorce
Divorce is one of life’s most difficult experiences. Emotional pain, financial change, and uncertainty are all part of the process. Even when you both agree that divorce is the right decision, the process still brings sadness, fear, anxiety, and frustration.
If your divorce went through the court system, those emotions can be even stronger. A judge, someone who does not know your family personally, makes decisions about where you live, how much time you spend with your children, and your financial future. Those decisions affect your daily life long after the divorce ends. Once the divorce is final, holding onto resentment keeps your attention focused on yesterday instead of tomorrow.
Resentment Holds You Back
Many people feel they were treated unfairly during their divorce. Some believe they were taken advantage of financially. Others struggle with changes they never expected, such as returning to work or adjusting to a very different financial situation.
Those feelings are understandable. Yet carrying anger long after the divorce is finished does not change the outcome. Instead, it keeps you emotionally tied to one of the hardest chapters of your life. Letting go gives you the opportunity to focus on creating the life you want, instead of reliving the life you lost.
Give Yourself Permission to Heal
Healing does not happen overnight. Processing your emotions is an important step in moving forward. Working with a mental health professional provides a healthy place to sort through fear, sadness, anger, and uncertainty. A therapist can also help you to reflect on what brought you to this point and what you want your future to look like.
Instead of asking, “Why did this happen?” begin asking, “Where do I want to go from here?” That shift in thinking creates space for personal growth.
Support During the Divorce Process
In the Collaborative Divorce process, mental health professionals are members of the professional team. They can help you manage the stress of the divorce process, prepare you for difficult meetings, improve communication, and assist with parenting and communication plans when you have children. They also help to manage emotional triggers that arise while discussing sensitive topics such as the family home or financial assets.
The professional team’s role is different from that of a private therapist. During the process and after the divorce is complete, a private therapist helps you process the experience and build your next chapter.
Your Future Starts Today
You do not have to pretend the divorce did not hurt. You do not have to agree with every outcome. Letting go simply means refusing to let the past define your future.
Releasing resentment, processing your emotions, and beginning to plan the life you want next, you give yourself the opportunity to grow beyond the divorce instead of remaining trapped by it.
It is important to realize that letting go after divorce is about releasing resentment rather than forgetting what happened. With emotional support and a focus on your future, you create space for healing, growth, and a new beginning.
FAQs
1. Does letting go mean I have to forget what happened?
No. Letting go means releasing the resentment that keeps you emotionally tied to the divorce while learning from the experience.
2. Should I see a therapist after my divorce?
Many people benefit from working with a mental health professional who helps process the emotions of divorce and explore goals for the future.
3. What is the role of mental health professionals in a Collaborative Divorce?
They help manage emotions during the divorce process, improve communication, prepare clients for meetings, and assist with parenting and communication plans. They do not serve as your personal therapist during or after the collaborative process
Lisa R. Murray is a family law attorney focusing on the Collaborative Law and Mediation Processes. She can help you determine your goals in a separation or divorce.
Ms. Murray has been practicing family law since 1989 and is an owner of Chase, Berenstein and Murray Counselors at Law in Burlingame, CA. She is recognized by Super Lawyers, (https://www.superlawyers.com), an elite group of 5% of top lawyers, for 15 consecutive years.
She can be reached at 650-642-3897 or visit https://www.chaseberensteinandmurray.com