You might know people who are going through a divorce that seems to drag on endlessly. In any divorce, there is a combination of emotional, logistical, and systemic factors that can make finalizing the divorce feel like an uphill slog. If you are preparing for a divorce, it is important to know what causes a divorce to drag out and how to move the process along, which will allow you and your spouse to move on with your lives.
Emotional Turmoil: The Root Cause
Divorce is a major upheaval. It is dismantling the life that you carefully built over years and rebuilding it as a single person. For most people, the process is accompanied by fear, grief, and uncertainty. You face monumental changes: splitting resources, relocating, rethinking long-term plans like retirement, and reshaping dreams for the future. These changes often lead to strong emotions, which can cloud decision-making.
For instance, anger, sadness, or fear of losing assets and your lifestyle or custody can cause you or your spouse to dig in your heels, leading to a prolonged fight. Without effective emotional support or guidance, you may struggle to focus on resolution, instead opting for heated disputes or delay tactics. Seeking help from a therapist or counselor specializing in divorce dynamics can make a significant difference. This support equips you to manage emotional triggers, advocate for your needs effectively, and approach the process with clarity.
Court Delays and Systemic Challenges
If your divorce is in the court system, delays are inevitable. Family courts are overburdened with high caseloads and backlogs that slow the divorce process. Self-represented litigants, who may lack familiarity with legal procedures, can further slow the process. Even with legal representation, you often face delays that can last months for court dates, hearing and trial.
The structure of court proceedings compounds frustrations. Your lawyer will advise you to arrive early, but once there, hours may pass before your case is called. This “hurry up and wait” dynamic increases not only stress but also legal expenses, as your attorney will charge for their time spent waiting.
The Alternatives: Mediation and Collaborative Divorce
For couples seeking quicker, more customized resolutions, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce offer viable alternatives. These methods empower you and your spouse to control the timeline and minimize reliance on the court system. In mediation, agreements can often be reached within a year or possibly less, while a collaborative divorce may take slightly longer but still offers a streamlined process.
Unlike court proceedings, where a judge makes decisions, Mediation and Collaborative Divorce encourage open dialogue, enabling you to find creative compromised resolutions tailored to your unique circumstances. These options require a willingness to communicate, organize and share the necessary documents, and to engage constructively in seeking solutions.
Balancing Divorce with Life’s Demands
Divorce is not a standalone task. It overlaps with the demands of your daily life—work, parenting, caregiving, and household responsibilities. This “second job” of managing your divorce can add to delays, especially when schedules conflict or if you or your spouse are struggling to stay organized. An attorney whose practice includes Mediation and Collaborative Divorce will help in managing these challenges.
The reasons why some divorces drag on are as multifaceted as the lives they impact. Emotional challenges, court inefficiencies, and the complexities of life all contribute to the process. However, with the proper emotional and professional support, focusing on collaborative methods, and an organized approach, many of these delays can be mitigated. Divorce, while inherently difficult, doesn’t have to stretch on endlessly. The goal is to emerge on the other side ready to rebuild and rediscover life anew.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced attorney in Collaborative Divorce and Mediation processes. She can help you through the challenges in your divorce and guide you in your goals of your post-divorce life. She can be reached at 650-523-6322.