In any divorce, it may feel natural to want to argue and prove one’s point, but a divorce fight comes with a heavy cost—both financially and emotionally. Here are 5 reasons why a more cooperative approach will ultimately lead to a better outcome for everyone:
- Fighting Harms the Children
First and foremost, a high-conflict divorce will have a significant emotional impact on your children, regardless of their age. Children are acutely aware of the stress of divorce and can even become part of the conflict. They may witness harsh exchanges, or worse, hear that they are the focus of disputes over custody and support arrangements. Studies have shown that high-conflict divorces can cause long-term emotional harm to children, affecting their mental and emotional well-being. In some cases, the court may even appoint an attorney for your children, bringing them further into the proceedings. This legal involvement can be confusing and distressing for young ones who simply want stability, a sense of normalcy, and to have a healthy relationship with both parents.
- Fighting Makes the Divorce More Expensive
A divorce with prolonged conflict is more expensive. When you engage in frequent disputes, you not only extend the duration of your divorce proceedings but also drive-up legal costs. Divorce can drain significant resources that would otherwise go to your children’s future, savings or retirement. Instead of spending your money on attorneys and court appearances, a more collaborative approach allows you to preserve those resources for your post-divorce lives. While it is important to advocate for your needs and your children’s wellbeing during the divorce process, there are healthier and less costly ways to reach a fair agreement.
- Fighting Increases and Prolongs Stress
Beyond the financial burden, high-conflict divorces can place you in “divorce limbo.” You can end up stuck in the transitional phase, with one foot still in your married life and the other in a new, yet undefined, future. This situation can disrupt day-to-day life, making it difficult to fully move forward. The stress of prolonged court appearances and ongoing disputes adds layers of tension that can affect work, relationships, and mental health. Instead of allowing the legal process to stretch on indefinitely, Collaborative Divorce or Mediation can help you reach closure and begin the next chapter of your life with less residual pain and anger.
- Fighting Delays the Healing Process
An often-overlooked aspect is that you or your spouse may cling to conflict to stay connected. If you or your spouse haven’t emotionally accepted the end of your marriage, there may be combative behavior to maintain some form of interaction. While this behavior stems from unresolved emotional needs, it ultimately complicates the divorce process and draws out a painful process that’s unlikely to bring true closure or healing. Recognizing this pattern and choosing to communicate openly, or seeking professional help, will lead to a healthier separation.
- Fighting Leads to Contentious Court Involvement
The court system is not well-suited for family matters. Unlike business disputes or criminal cases, family relationships are complex, and a judge’s ruling cannot erase the ongoing connection when you share children. The adversarial nature of the court process, where you each present your case, often disparaging each other, creates a lasting resentment that will impact family interactions. The court will resolve the legal matters in a high-conflict divorce, but the process will leave deep scars in the family dynamics that will make post-divorce life more challenging.
In a nutshell, doing your best to avoid conflict and work with your soon-to-be-ex spouse during your divorce offers multiple benefits. It protects children’s emotional well-being, conserves financial resources, reduces stress and promotes healthier future interactions. Choosing Collaborative Divorce or Mediation will allow you to achieve a fair resolution while preserving your ability to move forward with dignity and respect.
Lisa R. Murray is an experienced Collaborative Divorce and Mediation attorney. She can help you determine the goals in your divorce and post-divorce life. She can be reached at 650-642-3897.