Chase, Berenstein and Murray, Counselors at Law provides collaborative divorce solutions to clients in San Mateo, San Francisco and Santa Clara counties.

Preserving Relationships After Divorce

After a divorce, it is sometimes challenging to harness intense emotions and keep them from spilling into other relationships. You may wonder, “Why is it important to preserve the relationships that you have?” There are many reasons to maintain and protect your relationships after a divorce.

Whether you are going through a divorce or have already experienced it, consider how it affects your relationships. Think about who it affects, how it affects them, and the benefits of preserving those relationships during and after your divorce is finalized and in the years to come. It is never too late to change your approach.

When two people divorce, they often deal with deep emotional turmoil, hurt, and disappointment that is not adequately processed or monitored. Heartache, betrayal, anxiety,  and fear can become bigger problems when they affect others who love and care for both you, your spouse/partner, and your children. As a couple, you must consider the importance of preserving these relationships.

When the divorced couple commits to an amicable relationship, the benefits are enormous for everyone. It takes work, but it can be done. Good communication with your spouse or ex-spouse is crucial.

Who it Affects

Deep-seated emotions, feelings of anger, retribution, or revenge can rip relationships apart and have devastating effects on anyone connected to the two divorcees. The negative energy can tumble into the lives of anyone near them.

The obvious list of those affected includes:

  • The couple, individually
  • Any new partners
  • Children
  • Family members
  • Friends
  • Pets

Once you realize the extent to which your choice affects others, it is a good time to also reflect on the benefits of making a more positive decision. The advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

The Divorced Couple

Holding bitterness toward your ex may delay you moving forward and starting a new life. Each divorced spouse must deal with their own feelings and story about the end of the marriage. A cordial relationship with your ex helps release the negative emotions and promotes healing, so you can both move on and have happy, productive lives.

There are also added benefits for each person in having  cordial relationship with your ex:

  • If you choose the amicable route, you avoid the isolation and grief of losing friendships and connections that didn’t have to end.
  • Neither ex has to worry about completely remaking an entire life.
  • Both are going to come through the divorce process far less emotionally strained, drained, and traumatized.
  • Family members from both sides can be a significant support network for either or both of you.
  • Maintaining an open line of communication with family and friends from both sides is crucial and beneficial, especially when you needs help.

The Children

Children are often caught between divorced parents, forced to choose sides. This is not healthy for the children and may cause mental issues that they will carry throughout the rest of their lives. It is easy to see how an amicable relationship between divorcees can affect them.

The benefits for children involved include:

  • The children do not have to worry about both of their parents attending school events, recitals, games, graduations, or their wedding.
  • Because the ex’s family is the children’s family too, the kids can feel good about continuing a relationship with both sides of the extended family.
  • A child won’t lose a friend or family member because they’ve been forced to choose.
  • Your child’s network of family and friends does not have to correspond with yours. Children are healthier when they are allowed to have their own. An amicable relationship lets children know it’s okay to continue those critical relationships.
  • The children will maintain stability in their lives. The more you provide, the better it is for them.

Extended Family and Friendships

Extended family and mutual friends will be caught between the hard lines of a difficult divorce unless the exes decide to preserve the relationships in a positive manner. If you truly care about your family and friends, don’t make them choose between you.

Benefits for extended family and mutual friends are as follows:

  • There is less stress, uncertainty, confusion, and dysfunction for family members and friends.
  • No one is pressured to choose sides.
  • Positive, encouraging relationships may continue for both sides.
  • Letting them all know it is okay to maintain good relations is healthy and beneficial to them.
  • Weddings, parties, holidays, and gatherings can proceed without the disruption of negative emotions.
  • Family and friends don’t lose the integrity of the communal network, whether it is through church, work, or other community types.

It is Possible to Preserve Relationships

The relationship you choose to maintain and nurture with your ex affects the relationships with everyone else around you. It is possible to preserve all those relationships and still move on with your new life, leaving the bitterness behind and creating something positive for those you love.

Contact Chase, Berenstein, and Murray for a consultation.